if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
