a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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