THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
