Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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