WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boobs speak an international language.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
