Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
