Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
