i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
