And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
