You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
