Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry about my life...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
