The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
