I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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