ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
