I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
