Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
