Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
