After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
