I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
