Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
