You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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