i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
