I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
