I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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