i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
