Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
