That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
