i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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