This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
