Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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