Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize