Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
