we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
