Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
