as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
