you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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