you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
