I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
