No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
