omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
