You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
