I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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