I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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