Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
