You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
