I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
