JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
