I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
