Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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