I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
