He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
