Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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