I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
