Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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