We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
