I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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