fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
