The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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