The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
