please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got inside last night via doggy door
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
These tits shall not be calmed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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