I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
