Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
