I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want her autograph on my taint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
