You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
