There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
