we're chasing vodka with high fives
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
