My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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