I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize