Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
