i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
