I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The beer is more important than you right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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