living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
