she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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