My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
