break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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