I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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