She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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