she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
