If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
