She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
