so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you never un-have a 4some
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
