it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
